Doing OK

(This is Tatum's Urn. We keep it on the fire place mantel with my dad's urn)
So, we are doing ok. Father's day was a little hard (especially because we lost Tatum a few weeks ago and my dad passed this last October), but we started doing some projects around the house and just worked together. We made it through the day together!!!

My milk I think has finally cleared up and is gone, and I have started missing my old boobs, and old body. I have lost half my baby weight, and I still have 4lbs to go. We are walking everyday with the dog (and I'm talking LONG walks, either 1 mile, or 1 hour) and I started back on weight watchers again. I hate the feeling when you start because you feel hungry ALL the time, and boy do I feel hungry. It makes me want to eat much much more then I did while I was even pregnant, that and since I know i'm not supposed to have cookies, it makes me want them more. But i'm hanging in there and not giving in, at least not every night. I want to get back down to my pre-baby weight. I can fit back into my normal jeans (some of them are a little tight, but I can button them and wear them all day). Physically I'm feeling great, just emotionally once in a while I'll get a little sadness. We went down to a street Fair in Puyallup this last weekend and there were pregnant ladies everywhere, and that made me sad. I know that we will get another chance again, but it's sad for the one that you lost. I love the fact that we got to see her and hold her, and we have a few pictures from the photographers (Now I lay Me Down To Sleep) and I love those even more. It helps the healing process for me to have these beautiful photos of Tatum for us to keep. I printed out one of them so far and it's in a frame in her room. It's precious and beautiful! I feel so lucky to have that!

July 7th is our check up appt. At that appt we should be getting back my blood results and the placenta results. We are hoping that it all can give us some insight to what happend, but most of all if we are ok to reproduce and try again with out the fear that the placenta will fail again (we are pretty sure it was the placenta). We would like some good news after all the bad news. If we can figure out the finacials again I think we will end up trying again in 3 some months.

Devin has a test today for a new career path (I'm not allowed to say what it is yet). I know that he will pass this test, and when he does he will probably start this new direction within 4 months. At that point he will be a lot happier with his job and hopefully be ok with me getting the new career that I want (stay at home mommy).

That's about it for what's been happening with us. We are just hanging in there and loving on eachother more and more. Life is still turning around and we are turning with it, we are just trying to get back to a normal life, with the normal every day happenings! Don't be afraid to talk to us, we really are doing OK!

Our Birth Story, Tatum Hailey Trowbridge

I figured since it's been a week that I would finally sit down and type out this birth story.

We went in on Thursday May 28th to get a growth check. The appt. didn't go as well as we thought and much to our surpirse there was no longer a heart beat. She checked the blood flow to the head and the heart areas and there was no more blood flow. She had passed away and they don't know exactly when. We then headed down stairs to our normal Dr. office to talk with our OB. We got down there and immediatly got a room. Our Dr. came in to talk with us and get my vitals, and then to talk about the next step. She was going to be out of the office for the weekend, so she wanted us to schedule the birth for Monday. That was going to be hard knowing that I was walking around with a dead baby in me for that amount of time, but I wanted her as my Dr. there so I agreed.

Saturday we got scheduled to go down to Swedish to OB Triage so that they could start my dialation process. When I got there they checked me and I was about a finger tip dialated, so at that point my body had gotten the message and started it on it's own. However they wanted to help the process along to make sure I was ready for Monday. I will only partially discribe the process as it's gruesome and just plane MEAN. The had to stick these dialater up me and there were 7. They leave them there and they release some sort of chemical that helps with the dialation. It's very uncomfortable but yet they tell me to go home and relax and maybe see a movie if I'd like. This was at 3 in the afternoon and there was no way I was doing anything but laying on my couch taking in all the Vicodin that I could.

Sunday morning came around and I woke up at 8am. Layed in bed for about 30 minutes when I started feeling slightly crampy. I then went and took a shower and just sat there as this pain started and I just couldn't sit anymore. I got out and warned Devin that he may want to think about packing his bag and taking his shower. I then went and woke up my mom (who was staying with us in our guest room) and warned her that she may want to get up and start getting ready. (she had kinda explained the night before what contractions felt like, so I got the heads up a little). I then went directly to my bed in my towel and just layed there as I was told to count how long between the contractions. It started at 7 minutes apart. I rolled out of bed and put my sweats on along with a tank top. I had already packed my bag on Saturday just in case they had to addmitt me when we went in. When they got to 5.5 minutes apart I had Devin call the Dr. to see if we should head in yet. The nurse told him to have me Drink some water (because I could be dehydrated) and then to have me take a shower. WHAT???? Is she kidding me? Seriously? So I drank some juice to see if that would help. Then they got 4 minutes apart and mom left to get Tom and meet us at the haospital. I got up from the couch and headed to the rest room because I was starting to feel slightly nauseous and Devin handed the garbage can to me and it looked gross. I made it right into the bathroom and opened the toliet just in the nick of time, to progectile Vomitt over and over again. I was not feeling very good at that point. So I sat back on the couch and started counting some more as Devin watered my flowers for me and got the bags in the car. When they got to 3 minutes apart we took off for the hospital which was about 40 minutes away. Well, when we got into the car they started to be 1.5 minutes apart and I hated time right then. I would just look at the clock in the car and think to myself "oh dang here another one comes" right before it would happen. I think that was the fastest trip to Seattle that Devin has ever taken. I'm not sure how fast he was going becuase I had my eyes closed everytime a contraction came, but I'm sure at one point that I saw him going about 90. FINE by me at that point the sooner we could get there the better!

Once we got there it was a painful walk through the lobby and up the stairs to get back to the OB Triage while walking through those stupid contractions. I got onto the bed in so much pain that I didn't really want anyone to talk to me. They took the dialators out (which they only found 6, so somewhere there is another one that they STILL can't locate) and they never checked to see how dialated I was. What is wrong with people? I layed in that bed for what felt like a lifetime waiting to get a birthing room. It's a good thing that Devin has family conections because his parents had called in the friend who is an Anesthesiologist and I guess he used to be cheif of staff there too, so he made a call and got us a bed. So right before I got moved i felt like I needed to pee so Devin went with me to the bathroom (after taking about 10 minutes to get out of the bed) and I then just sat there going through contractions leaning my head on his because I was exhausted and in pain. Nothing happend so I got back up and as I walked out the door they got me a wheel chair. I sat down and felt like I had to throw up again. They handed me a little pink dish that I threw up in a few times until they had to give me a bucket. They wheeled me to the room and I felt like I was going to die.

They got me into the room and onto the bed. Our friend Paul came in and tried to give me an IV before he did the epideral. Problem was that I was so dehydrated that they couldn't find a good vein for quite some time. He finally got it in and then I had to sit kinda sideways on the bed so he could get the epideral in. He missed the first time and my heart started racing and my ears were ringing and the 2nd time was a hit and a go. I still felt them a little bit but not as painful as before. He bid us fairwell and wished us luck and he was on his way. I got to lay in the bed on my left side (because it was the most comfortable position I could be in). The nurse checked my signs and then walked out of the room. Within 5-10 minutes of getting the epideral I felt this really weird sensation and I had Devin get the nurse. She checked me and then looked at me and said "oh hunny, that was her head". I looked back at her and said "oh that's disgusting". At that point I told my sister, her hubby, mom and tom to leave the room so we could be alone while birthing the rest of her. It took about 30 minutes to get the whole thing done, especially because I could no longer feel the lower half of my body. She came out all in the sack and they took her and cleaned her up. We then got to see her and be alone for a few minutes. We had the family come back in to be with us. She was born at 1:15pm. Total labor time was 4 hours and 45min. Her name is Tatum Hailey Trowbridge, she weighed 9.1oz, and was 10inches long. She had beautiful hands and feet with the cutest nails on them.

We had some photographers (a company called, Now I lay me down to Sleep) come and take pictures of her for us for when we are ready. They also got our family photo for us. It was very hard, but I'm SO glad that I had Devin there with me the entire time to take care of me. He was and still has been a wonderful support system to me and I love him even more every day for it.

I took a few days off from work and just layed on the couch on percocete and vicadin. On Wednesday morning my milk decided to come in. I spent the next 2 days on the couch with cold wash cloths on me trying to keep them from leaking. Didn't work, it just kept a little of the pain down. IT's been 5 days now and they are still slightly leaking but seriously deflating fast. That part is sad. Yesterday was a hard day and I'm sure there will be many more hard days to come that I'm not looking forward to. Anyways, that should be it, but here is our first and only family photo with Tatum (you can't see her because they did cover her up)....

Devin's TATTOO......

On Monday Devin decided that for his Grieving process he wanted to get something to remember her by. He decided to get her foot prints tattooed on his body (hist first and I'm sure only tattoo). We went down to the tattoo shop and it took about 30 minutes. It's almost all the way healed now and I get a little emotional every time I look at it. I'm glad he got it done! So here it is, and you can see the size comparison of her little foot next to my pinky finger...